...Girls. And Their Retarded, Odd, and Rather Illogical Behaviour.

My apologies in advance for those girls who do not do any of the following things - I'm afraid you're a rare breed.

Women. Girls. Ladies. The female version of a man. Whatever you want to call them. We are equal and we are technically the same - we all breathe, talk, eat, sleep... -insert 2342934823 more verbs here-. But there are just some things that some of you girls do that I don't understand (and as for I, I mean most guys). Let's just point out some simple ones:

1. Why girls seem to always go to the toilet as a pack, mainly in public areas - if you think about it, this is rather disturbing isn't it? You stand up and go to the toilet and suddenly another three girls stand up and decide to go with you. Peeing isn't a group activity. You do not need assistance to go to the toilet (well, most people don't anyway). Why do you all have to go together? Is it because when someone says "I need to go to the bathroom" your bladder instantly fills up and you decide it's time to go too? Do you get discounts when you go as a group? Is the nearest toilet 60kms away and you need someone to cling onto in case you get lost? I would understand if it was a foreign place, or at a place with bad lighting/dangers etc. But in broad daylight, with a decent of people around you, there's no need for this kind of behaviour. You don't hear us guys volunteering to go to the bathroom with one another. That's just weird.

2. Why girls complain that the toilet seat isn't down after someone uses it - you wash your hands after going to the bathroom right? So what's the difference if you just put down the lid yourself and then do your routinely wash afterwards? The toilet seat isn't made of fire - or you'd be burnt already. Touching the toilet seat doesn't give you weird diseases that turn you into a size 32 (God forbid!) or chip your nail. It's just the toilet seat. Calm down girls. And what about us guys? Do we have special immunities that protect us? No. You don't see us complaining. That's just weird.

3. Why girls constantly say "nothing's wrong" or "I'm okay" when they're obviously upset because their mascara is running down their face, there are three strands of hair out of place and (I just realised face and place rhymed so... I bring you...) they've been screaming and whining like a total nut case - is it that difficult to say "no, it's not okay" or "yes, something's wrong"? Oh good god, I just said it to myself to make sure humans can do it (and surprise, we can!) You expect honesty from us. And yet you're lying straight to our faces. How do you think this make us feel? You're undermining your own argument. That's just weird.

4. Why girls spend 213918343 years to take a shower, decide what to wear, put on their make up, realise that the eye liner doesn't go with the skirt, spend more time deciding what to wear, spray on perfume, realise that there are no shoes that match the current outfit, change again and then step outside the front door, decide it's too cold, change again and finally leave the god damn house - I think that long winded sentence is rather self explanatory. It's better to wear something that doesn't perfectly match than arriving somewhere late, or worse, wasting so many hours of your life worrying about your appearance. Last time I checked there were no fashion police stations around your house, or paparazzi chasing you. Unless you think there are. That's just weird.

(And, what's with you girls having 24234234 pairs of shoes? You're not a millipede, centipede, or even a spider. We don't continuously stare at your shoes when we hang out either.)

5. Why girls constantly ask whether they're fat when trying on clothes - think about the situation you put us in. If we say "yes, you look like a total pig", you're gonna get all angry and then do 3. (see above). Therefore the only option is to say "no, absolutely not!" - whether it's the truth or just a plain lie. You know it's a default answer. And you know you don't look fat anyway. So stop asking redundant questions you know the answer to. That's just weird.

And there you have it. Five little things that some girls do that confuse many. Y U NO MAKE SENSE?